She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
