so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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