i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
