The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize