You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
