I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
