then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
