we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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