Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
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Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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