Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
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Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
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Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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