did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
