: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
