how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
