Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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