i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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