My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
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My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
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I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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