oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
