Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
