My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
