so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
