I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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