I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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