He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
