can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
