I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
