I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
