I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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