you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
