The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
