can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
