I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
