So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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