I wish life had little blips of pornography
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
