i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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