I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
