I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
