I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
