I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
