for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
