Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
