it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
