I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
