So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
