So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
