My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
