um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize