He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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