Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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