He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
