help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
