I only kidnapped one of them. chill
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
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