Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
