She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
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Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
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We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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