I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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