If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
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