Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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