he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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