I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
