I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
