I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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