she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
