I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
