is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm bleeding and have questions
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
