we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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