i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
