$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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