member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
