dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
