guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
