im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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