whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
