So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
