In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
