He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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