my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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