i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize